Does this outfit make me look like a mom? And other things my coworkers say.

This week at work I got to overhear two of my coworkers in their 20’s discuss how they were worried about their outfits, fearful that one of their combinations made them look “like a mom”. Not like THEIR mom, just “a mom” in general. They talked about the details of their outfit- worrying that maybe the length of their skirt, or the way a shirt was tucked made them seem more “mom”. They reassured each other that they were not in the “mom zone” and went on with their day. I must have coughed or something and when they realized I was one cube away and had likely heard everything, they made the whole thing worse by yelling “Oh, sorry Patti!”.

What the hell? First of all, should I say “Oh thanks!” to the apology? I chickened out and said “Oh, I didn’t even hear you”. But I did. And by them apologizing it made it ten times worse! Apparently I am the “mom” that they are trying not to be. This is coming off of another fun day a few weeks ago when the hallway smelled terrible at work. I was laughing about the terrible smell with some interns I work with and one of them commented that it smelled like vomit. To which the other fresh face replied “Oh Patti, you are a mom. You must be used to that”.

Under this 10 pound sandwich is an awesome outfit. Yeah, I ate this in the car.

We all do this. We find a category that we might be close to, or that people assume we are and push away. I wrote about it here- about being so desperate to separate myself from my Mom’s illness and weakness that I cringe when someone says I look like her. I don’t want to be my Mom, anymore than those coworkers wanted to be ANY mom. We want to separate and be seen as our own selves. It’s hard even that I resemble my mother. It makes me so scared that the genes that carried my height and bone structure also will carry Alzheimer’s.

All I can do is hope that this little man won’t even know what Alzheimers is. Or cancer for that matter.

I considered not discussing my “mom-ness” from work as well. I really debated about bringing my life as “mom” into my work. I too felt like it made me seem weaker, or vulnerable. If I had a picture of my children on my desk, I couldn’t possibly be serious about work. If I take off for both field day AND kindergarten graduation, I am not focused. But this is the reality of my life. I have two young children, my mother is very sick, my father died and I don’t have a ton of daily support that I don’t pay for. Thank goodness our resumes don’t reflect what is in our heart. Multiple times a week I debate: exercise vs. sleep, time with kids vs. date night, early to work vs. breakfast at home. My heart-resume would quickly show employers that work is at the bottom.

This would be on my heart-resume.

So yeah, I’m wearing a “mom” outfit on my way to work where I will sit down at my desk surrounded by love from a framed picture of my children and a note from my husband. And my outfit? It’s stylish and it fits (thanks 5AM workouts). It’s practical (thanks cowboy boots). It also doesn’t smell like vomit. Just picture Beyonce (fellow mom) going to work and you’ll get the idea.

See? Beyonce level.