Grief is a real jerk because there is no timeline. Maybe you were perfectly fine celebrating others last year- but this year you have been dreading Mother’s Day for months and can’t believe there is another one.
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Even if I’m a little old to be an “orphan”, there are changes when you have no parents in the world with you. You are more of an island, without the backing/love of those that raised you. The people who threw you birthday parties and cared about your SAT scores and helped you buy a tall bathing suit are gone.
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MIND Diet salads, grieving a diagnosis and practical steps when you are suspicious of dementia in a family member.
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Grief is still here and comes on vacation with me at times. But I’m at a different stage.
So this summer we traveled. Our bodies left our home and my mind left feeling guilty for this travel. Of course I am lucky to have done this (insert very long list of reasons why it’s a privilege to be able to travel).
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What’s the matter? You can’t sum up someone’s entire life and love in 3 minutes? Finding it hard to write a full sentence in the throws of physically exhausting grief? Does everything you write seem trite and stupid and not ENOUGH? Ok, then you are on the right track.
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“ Do I erase the years of watching her slowly die to get to the deeper memories of her being healthy?”
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“I got that quick stress headache that comes when I try to keep in a deep, terrible feeling that is socially unacceptable. How dare I not want their “epic” Mother’s Day celebration? Should I not be wearing a pastel, floral dress and a crown of flowers and receiving gifts with grace and poise?”
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Practical suggestions and links to other people that can support you as you care for someone with Alzheimer's.
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Ug, this is hard to write. My beautiful, soft, kind, loving mom died. The body that held her ran out of energy and time and she slipped away.
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I’m so tired of this disease and feel like there have been so many losses. And yet I feel drained an unprepared to also have this final goodbye- not wanting to pour on more sadness.
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