tips for Visiting someone you love in the hospital
I’m writing this sitting next to Mom. Well, she’s in her wheelchair and I’m on her bed. I like to sit up here because I can dangle my feet and it somehow reminds me that I am many things, but I am always my mother’s daughter. And dangling feet make me think of being a kid, when dangling feet was a daily part of sitting in a chair.
I know, I need new shoes.
In the hours leading up to our Thursday visits, I have a lot of anxiety. This morning my husband wanted to go to breakfast before my visit. Now that sounds like we are individuals that randomly have mornings off, kid free and no work all the time. But to get this morning together we dropped two kids off at their schools, used FMLA (me) and have to work late tonight (him). And yet my anxiety was still high enough that I said no to breakfast with my love. Because I know that I’m too sad, too worried and too nervous about this visit to be any sort of good company. So it made me think that maybe this happens to you too.
So here are some tips when visiting someone in the hospital, in the hopes that maybe it will help your visit be a little better.
Eat breakfast. Or lunch. Eat something before you get there. There will be no good options there. The hospital cafeteria is NOT the place if you are looking to get your heart rate down and have a chill cup of soup.
Speaking of soup. If you do have to eat in the hospital cafeteria on those long days, soup is where it is at. Or get a veggie burger from the grill. Because they have to make it fresh because all they have ready are cow and pig burgers and dogs. Plus, are you all attempting to follow the MIND diet to scare away Alzheimer’s? Me too. More on that later. Don’t you DARE get the salad bar. You nut.
This gross looking stew was actually delicious. But I ate it 4 meals in a row and I’m DONE with it.
Found the recipe in the MIND Diet book.
3. Wear something comfortable but look nice. You already feel like a giant stressball. You don’t need your outfit to remind you of that. Plus, I have this secret belief that the doctors and nurses take you more seriously if you are not in your pajamas. For me this also means doing my hair when I can and even putting on makeup. Set a time for yourself. How much time do you want to spend together today? How much time will you need to recover after your visit before you have to put on your parent/employee/spouse/chef hat again? Allot for travel time, unexpected events and know that you don’t have to be there all day, every day.
If you can get out in the woods after a visit I have found this works really, really well.
4. Ask questions. Talk to the nurse, the doctor and anyone else who takes care of the person you love. Part of what they do is to take care of the family.
5. When Dad was being transferred to a hospital he told my sister to go along ahead and “grease the skids”. What this meant to us was to go first and be nice to everyone and make sure they knew that he was coming to the hospital. What we use it for now is to talk to the staff, really ask about their families, wish them Happy New Year and bring them snacks sometimes.
6. Talk about your loved one to the people taking care of them, especially if they can’t talk themselves. We posted pictures of Dad from healthier days up in his room, we hung up pictures that Mom painted in her room and we talk about what she used to do a lot. The staff here has only known her sick, quiet and dying. But her life is/was so much more than that and I think some context about who they are taking care of makes such a big difference.
We hung up basically every piece of art work that my mom ever created, trying to give a sense of who she was/is.
7. Try to workout after your visit. You will not want to. You will want to sleep. But your body needs a physical release from carrying around this stress and holding it together for the person you are visiting. Just a 10 minute walk. Go get your sneakers. If you are reading this on the can, when you get finished, get out there.
8. Don’t cook on the day of a hard visit. You will get mad at everyone. Your cup is empty. Let someone else fill it. And then don’t do the dishes.
9. It’s okay to laugh at things if they are ridiculously sad, or hard or gross. The human body does some gross stuff and you might see it. A month ago I saw a body bag getting wheeled out (full of body). That is gross but also so horrific that it’s slightly funny. I imagined Dad making some terribly off color joke there. Something like “well someone had a bad day”.
10. Love you. And so sorry someone you love is sick.
My sister said to read this. And now I upped my bean intake. Big time.
It’s been fun for everyone.