We are all angry. But probably at the wrong people.
Perhaps we need a fruit basket of sorts.
Yesterday as I was driving in a grocery store parking lot and taking my time because it was super crowded and there were a lot of people trying to compete with me for the last bunch of kale. Another woman was trying to get by and instead of being thankful I was going slower and trying not to run her over, she gave me the finger and shook her head at me like I was the worst thing she could think of. Then she yelled “move along!”.
Now here’s the thing. I didn’t even know we were still giving each other the finger! I haven’t done it in a while, mostly because it feels so passive and not offensive enough. But when I saw that middle finger I was transported right back to being 14 and secretly trying out giving my parents the finger from behind a closed door. I would pull out that middle finger and silently wave it at the back of a closed door. OH! Burn Mom and Dad! Take that! It’s really tempting to start making a list of everyone I would like to give the finger to. After a year of Coronavirus, that list is growing.
Here’s me giving you the finger but laughing about it.
I’m really short tempered now. I would argue that most of us are. Research agrees with me. But you don’t have to use research. Read your text messages. How many of them are from friends and family sending messages when they are truly frustrated, sad, overwhelmed or lost? It used to be that if you were feeling down or sad, you might text a friend or family member, or maybe even call them. They would be supportive, most likely not experiencing the same thing themselves, and ideally would have the time to listen and provide the support of a good conversation. But now? Maybe I send a text to a friend saying I’m having a hard day. After a year of uncertainty, threat of illness and isolation the text back is going to be something like “ME TOO!” or “I am still in my pajamas and it’s 2pm on a Tuesday” or “I’m so tired of everyone in my house”. Ok, fine, I wrote that last one.
“I’m so tired of everyone in my house”
As a community, we are collectively tired. And when you are tired and scared, it often comes out as anger. Because tired and scared are vulnerable emotions and we have to feel safe enough to express them. But anger is usually a “safe” emotion meaning that we don’t risk putting our true emotional state out into the world to be judged. So here’s what you and I, and that lady giving me the finger need to do.
Be aggressive about self care. Go back to when this all first started and we were baking, being creative, and doing what felt good to cocoon ourselves for a bit. What worked then? Do those things - but you must do them every day. I would suggest adding this pie to your list (empty box featured above).
Write down what you are going through. But don’t blog. What are you, nuts? I’m trying to get people to read my stuff - not make more competition. Just kidding. No, I’m not.
Give up every day. This one is really hard for me because all I want is control. You thought your kid was going back to school? Give up on your expectations of that. You thought you were going to eat all vegetables and instead you ate pizza for breakfast? Well you probably had a bunch of vegetables yesterday. You thought your children were robots and could complete their remote learning even though we all know it’s not right for their mental or physical health? GIVE IT UP and model for them the respect that you give your feelings.
One good thing you ask? Ok. I have never been so thankful for text messaging as a means of expressing support, love, kindness, empathy and friendship. My aunt sends me texts about a runaway cow in their back yard which delights my children. A few friends text to tell me they are out running and walking in the morning- encouraging me to get out there and walk “with” them (long distance phone calls and walks are my favorite). Every day my friends and I text about working from home with small children and they have been my lifeline. And every once in a while, when I’m really frustrated, I’m going to send them the emoji of person giving the finger.